How do you know your planet is warming?
Hurricane Doobie has flooded your stash and you can’t deal.
A fish goes into a diner. The waiter is a clownfish.
“I’ll have a tilapia,” says the fish.
“Would you like a hook with that?”
A baleen whale and a right whale meet each other in the ocean. The baleen whale calls the other Mr. Right–”No wonder they hunt for you,” she says. “You’re a a hunk.”
He replies, “Thanks a lot, bigmouth!”
“Mommy, I can’t breathe over here,” says the little salmon. “That’s a dead zone, we can’t swim there,” replies her mother. “The humans have not yet learned that the world is round, and their pollution will return to get them eventually.”
“Coelacanths!”
What do you call famous sea creatures?
Starfish.
What color is a squid?
Whatever it inks!
What does a squid say?
Whatever it inks!
Who is slimier, an eel, a tuna or a catfish?
Gee! They’re al slimy!
What did the bait of a catch-and-release fisherman say to the bass?
“You can have your worm and eat it, too, but it’ll be a pain in the mouth!”
What did one adolescent performance dolphin say to the other?
“If you keep stockpiling those water toys, the other dolphins will call you a homo stupidens!”
How many maki do you need to eat to get neurological damage?
One or tuna!
What do you call the whales and dolphins who’ve rescued stranded humans in the ocean for centuries?
Semper fish!
When busy men do the taking care of the sea floor, they mess it up. Look at the use of trawlers–vacuuming instead of pruning. No more neighborhood for the seafood, all ‘cause the guys were impatient and wanted to get fishing over with so they could watch the forest clearcutting reality show.
“Fishermen with bottom trawlers, navies with spy technology, and miners and broken tankers–let alone scientific endeavors; humans sure keep us on the swim,” says a squid to a shark. “Humans keep the ocean a dangerous place.”
“Hey, the more humans use the oceans the more potential victims for me!” replies the shark.
“You know, you’re a symbol to the humans of their greed and ruthlessness. You’re the caffeine in the ocean cafe.”
“Well, you’re not much better, donut brain! Your three hearts make you sickly sweet!”
“I’ll take that as a compliment. Anyhow, I can at least express myself in a way other than who I eat.”
“You can ink, but I can sink. Humans who mess with me are taking a chance. I’m defending the ocean.”
“One of my hearts is filled with gratitude. The other ones are pumping blood and having an attack.”
“An attack?”
“An art attack–I get creative with my inking. You know my eyes are more efficient than humans.’”
“Then it should be easy to obscure their vision next time they fall in, with your colored clouds. Let’s work together: coffee and donut for every human’s descent to waste in their neighbors’ gardens.”
“Yeah, dammit! We’e gonna get ‘em! Those nutty dudes’ll get the hell dunked out of ‘em!”